Potty Training Day 1
4:19 am Naomi wakes up saying, "What. That. Noise." For some reason all sentences have lots of spaces in them.
4:19 am Sara thinks, "oh shit, I promised myself I'd go right upstairs the moment they woke up and get both of them on the potty. I. Am. Not. Going. Up. There. At. 4. Fucking. Thirty. In. The. Morning. For some reason before 5am all of my sentences have a lot of spaces in them. And a lot more swear words than I let on.
4:20 am Whats. That. Noise.
4:20 am and 3 seconds. Whats. That. Noise.
repeat every 3 seconds for 10 minutes.
4:30 am Eliot is now awake. Its Mama Naomi. Mama is making that noise.
4:30 am I think. Oh boy. I have to go up there. I have to potty train the kids today.
4:31 am Whats. That. Noise. Its Mama, Naomi, its Mama.
repeat until Mama thinks her brain is scrambled.
4:45 am Mama yells up the stairs. Its time to be asleep you guys. I'm not coming up there. She lays in bed for the next hour or so reading and feeling her sanity drift away as her children talk incessantly upstairs.
6:00 am Mama gets the kids and announces that we're going to sit on the potty and pee. Eliot asks why. I say because you're learning to use the potty today.
He pees. Just like that. Right in the potty. When given a choice he picks some Cars underwear. We high five. He says he is going to keep his underwear dry.
Naomi (who sat on the potty 5,000 times yesterday) refuses to use the potty.
6:04 am We go downstairs to get breakfast.
6:10 am Eliot says he needs to use the potty.
He has already wet his underwear. A lot. How did so much pee still come out when he just peed. It is a lot of pee.
Eliot clearly feels bad about peeing his underwear. He insists on a training diaper. Part underwear. Part diaper.
He has now been being potty training for 12 minutes and he has had an accident and the wind is out of his sails.
6:15 am Eliot says his chair is wet. Somehow 3 gallons of pee squirted out of his diaper and sprayed all over the dining room. All over the floor. All over his chair. All over the floor under the table. On the garbage can. Not one drop of pee is in the diaper. Is this how the diaper trains you to use the potty. It disperses your pee all over the house?
6:21 am Mama is still cleaning up pee. Eliot asks Mama if she is happy. Mama describes that she is happy and she also peed in her pants when she was a little girl too. And guess what. Daddy did too.
Mama remembers the time she peed her pants in 1st grade and sat in soaking wet pants all day denying the fact that she peed.
6:30 am Mama calls Daddy so he can tell Eliot about how he peed his pants too when he was little. Daddy doesn't answer the phone.
6:45 am Daddy sends text message. He is in a deer stand and can't talk.
6:48 am Mama texts Daddy to explain what is up. Says he doesn't need to call. Moment is over.
6:51 am Daddy texts back to say I should tell Eliot that he is so cold he is thinking of peeing in his pants to warm up a little.
4:19 am Sara thinks, "oh shit, I promised myself I'd go right upstairs the moment they woke up and get both of them on the potty. I. Am. Not. Going. Up. There. At. 4. Fucking. Thirty. In. The. Morning. For some reason before 5am all of my sentences have a lot of spaces in them. And a lot more swear words than I let on.
4:20 am Whats. That. Noise.
4:20 am and 3 seconds. Whats. That. Noise.
repeat every 3 seconds for 10 minutes.
4:30 am Eliot is now awake. Its Mama Naomi. Mama is making that noise.
4:30 am I think. Oh boy. I have to go up there. I have to potty train the kids today.
4:31 am Whats. That. Noise. Its Mama, Naomi, its Mama.
repeat until Mama thinks her brain is scrambled.
4:45 am Mama yells up the stairs. Its time to be asleep you guys. I'm not coming up there. She lays in bed for the next hour or so reading and feeling her sanity drift away as her children talk incessantly upstairs.
6:00 am Mama gets the kids and announces that we're going to sit on the potty and pee. Eliot asks why. I say because you're learning to use the potty today.
He pees. Just like that. Right in the potty. When given a choice he picks some Cars underwear. We high five. He says he is going to keep his underwear dry.
Naomi (who sat on the potty 5,000 times yesterday) refuses to use the potty.
6:04 am We go downstairs to get breakfast.
6:10 am Eliot says he needs to use the potty.
He has already wet his underwear. A lot. How did so much pee still come out when he just peed. It is a lot of pee.
Eliot clearly feels bad about peeing his underwear. He insists on a training diaper. Part underwear. Part diaper.
He has now been being potty training for 12 minutes and he has had an accident and the wind is out of his sails.
6:15 am Eliot says his chair is wet. Somehow 3 gallons of pee squirted out of his diaper and sprayed all over the dining room. All over the floor. All over his chair. All over the floor under the table. On the garbage can. Not one drop of pee is in the diaper. Is this how the diaper trains you to use the potty. It disperses your pee all over the house?
6:21 am Mama is still cleaning up pee. Eliot asks Mama if she is happy. Mama describes that she is happy and she also peed in her pants when she was a little girl too. And guess what. Daddy did too.
Mama remembers the time she peed her pants in 1st grade and sat in soaking wet pants all day denying the fact that she peed.
6:30 am Mama calls Daddy so he can tell Eliot about how he peed his pants too when he was little. Daddy doesn't answer the phone.
6:45 am Daddy sends text message. He is in a deer stand and can't talk.
6:48 am Mama texts Daddy to explain what is up. Says he doesn't need to call. Moment is over.
6:51 am Daddy texts back to say I should tell Eliot that he is so cold he is thinking of peeing in his pants to warm up a little.
posted by Sara at 7:33 AM
3 Comments:
oh.
mah.
gaw.
this is possibly the funniest post ever.
LOL. One of these days its just going to click and they will get it:)Its just a matter of when. Soon I'm sure:)
Is that how it happens? One day and click they get it? Wow.
I wonder when that will be.
I've been wondering all day: how do I know to hold in my own pee? How does my brain do that?
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