12 months left
1 year from yesterday (March 1, 2010) Eliot's treatment ends.
Yesterday marked that day and I broke down in tears multiple times during the day. 1 year. Just 1 year left.
Gosh darn it. Just writing about it makes me cry some more.
I'm not sure why it makes me cry. Maybe this is how I actually take in the horror of the past few years. Maybe it is because I'm jubilant about this. I'm pretty sure I've never used the word jubilant before...it is what I am. Jubilant.
Just 1 more year and then Eliot will be chemo-free. Dentist appointments won't be preceded by anti-biotics in the form of a horse pill. We can go places without lugging chemo, a thermometer, antibiotics, tagaderm and 'mayonnaise'.
He'll receive his final doses of chemo in his port next year on February 4th and they'll take his post out soon after that. He'll still have to take antibiotics for 3 months afterward. But big deal! No more chemo.
Just 1 more year of fever = emergency room.
1 more year of poisoning the hell out of my kid to make sure he lives.
Part of the joy of all of this is that yesterday passed without much fan fare. Other than the 17 gallons of tears I've shed. Eliot played with Naomi, refused to take a nap, ran around in his underwear for most of the day, played with legos and his transformers, did yoga with the babysitter and slept in Naomi's bed while she slept in the guest bedroom - for no big reason.
It was just a day in his 4 1/2 year old life.
This morning I told him he was tall and he wanted to know if he looked like he was 5.
Those are the things on his mind these days.
No marking of time, future events, past fears or suffering.
Just.
Today.
Right now.
Yesterday marked that day and I broke down in tears multiple times during the day. 1 year. Just 1 year left.
Gosh darn it. Just writing about it makes me cry some more.
I'm not sure why it makes me cry. Maybe this is how I actually take in the horror of the past few years. Maybe it is because I'm jubilant about this. I'm pretty sure I've never used the word jubilant before...it is what I am. Jubilant.
Just 1 more year and then Eliot will be chemo-free. Dentist appointments won't be preceded by anti-biotics in the form of a horse pill. We can go places without lugging chemo, a thermometer, antibiotics, tagaderm and 'mayonnaise'.
He'll receive his final doses of chemo in his port next year on February 4th and they'll take his post out soon after that. He'll still have to take antibiotics for 3 months afterward. But big deal! No more chemo.
Just 1 more year of fever = emergency room.
1 more year of poisoning the hell out of my kid to make sure he lives.
Part of the joy of all of this is that yesterday passed without much fan fare. Other than the 17 gallons of tears I've shed. Eliot played with Naomi, refused to take a nap, ran around in his underwear for most of the day, played with legos and his transformers, did yoga with the babysitter and slept in Naomi's bed while she slept in the guest bedroom - for no big reason.
It was just a day in his 4 1/2 year old life.
This morning I told him he was tall and he wanted to know if he looked like he was 5.
Those are the things on his mind these days.
No marking of time, future events, past fears or suffering.
Just.
Today.
Right now.
posted by Sara at 8:41 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home