1 Year Ago Today
I remember crying (tears and everything) at lunch a year ago today. I knew I was going to the hospital in the morning for a scheduled c-section. I knew it was the last lunch I'd have with Eliot when he was my only child breathing air. I was hormonal. I was exhausted. I'd gotten up to pee at least once - usually 3 times - a night for weeks. Silly me. When I think back now I think I had no idea what the hell exhausted was.
I was worried that the new baby - whoever and whatever it might be (Aron and I had just decided to name a baby boy Max McGinley Kramer that morning) - wouldn't get as much love as Eliot. That I didn't have it in me to love another kid. I was filled with trepidations and worries and fears and guilt - and hormones and insanity.
I cried - from what I remember - most of the day. Especially at lunch.
I also learned that day that my sister, Nancy, was pregnant. It was still that very early stage when you don't know if the pregnancy will make it, when you don't know if its a boy or a girl or how gigantic your boobs might get or how sick you'll be or when the baby will be born and what its name will be.
Today Nancy, my mom, Eliot, Isadora (my sister Nancy's oldest daughter), Naomi and Arlo (the little guy we learned about a year ago today) all had lunch today. No tears. Well. None from me (until later when Nancy told me her most embarassing moment in life and it was so funny I fell on the floor - literally - laughing). Today is all about celebration. We made it through - are about to make it through - the hardest part of Acute Lymphomic (or is it Lymphatic) Leukemia. Today is the last day. Another last day. Today.
Its weird. I was much more afraid of my second kid than I am today of this shitty disease. This shitty disease we're lucky to have instead of all of the other more-shitty options.
I was worried that the new baby - whoever and whatever it might be (Aron and I had just decided to name a baby boy Max McGinley Kramer that morning) - wouldn't get as much love as Eliot. That I didn't have it in me to love another kid. I was filled with trepidations and worries and fears and guilt - and hormones and insanity.
I cried - from what I remember - most of the day. Especially at lunch.
I also learned that day that my sister, Nancy, was pregnant. It was still that very early stage when you don't know if the pregnancy will make it, when you don't know if its a boy or a girl or how gigantic your boobs might get or how sick you'll be or when the baby will be born and what its name will be.
Today Nancy, my mom, Eliot, Isadora (my sister Nancy's oldest daughter), Naomi and Arlo (the little guy we learned about a year ago today) all had lunch today. No tears. Well. None from me (until later when Nancy told me her most embarassing moment in life and it was so funny I fell on the floor - literally - laughing). Today is all about celebration. We made it through - are about to make it through - the hardest part of Acute Lymphomic (or is it Lymphatic) Leukemia. Today is the last day. Another last day. Today.
Its weird. I was much more afraid of my second kid than I am today of this shitty disease. This shitty disease we're lucky to have instead of all of the other more-shitty options.
posted by Sara at 1:43 PM
1 Comments:
I will never forget calling you from school to tell you. We were lucky enough to be pregnant at the same time - TWICE!
I spent the entire next day carrying my cell phone around. Finally, I had a mesage from Laur. I told my students, "I know this is unprofessional and I've confiscated your phones. But, could I please please please listen to this message?" They sat quietly and then I announced, "It's a girl! Naomi Ruth!" They clapped! A room full of sophomores were happy you'd come, Naomi. Doesn't get more impressive than that.
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