The 18th
The morning of July 18th, 2004 I woke up when I wanted to. Later that day I took a nap when I was tired and felt like napping. That was the last time I did both of those things. I haven't done that since. That was 2 years and one month ago today. I went into labor later that day (during my nap - notice I didn't say I finished that nap) and Eliot was born the next morning.
The morning of January 18th, 2006 I woke up the mother of 1 child for the last time. Around 9:30 that morning Naomi was born.
The morning of December 18th, 2006 I woke up thinking both of my kids were basically healthy for the last time. About 4pm that day we learned that Eliot has leukemia.
I was afraid on some level of all of those things. Motherhood. Labor. Motherhood again. Balancing two kids. Illness. Disease. Death of a child.
A month ago on January 18th marked the end of induction and the end of 4 weeks of steroids. It was what they say was the end of the hardest month of Eliot's treatment. It was also the end of Naomi's first year of life.
I told myself for a year before that day if I could just make it to Naomi's birthday I'd be in the clear. Things would start to get easier.
Today is the 18th again. Things don't feel easier. Parenting feels like an increasingly challenging, soul wrenching, sanity sucking affair. I'm starting to get convinced that it doesn't and isn't going to get easier. That easy was back when Eliot was an infant and there was one child and I had a house cleaner and a yard and friends and space to breathe.
The morning of January 18th, 2006 I woke up the mother of 1 child for the last time. Around 9:30 that morning Naomi was born.
The morning of December 18th, 2006 I woke up thinking both of my kids were basically healthy for the last time. About 4pm that day we learned that Eliot has leukemia.
I was afraid on some level of all of those things. Motherhood. Labor. Motherhood again. Balancing two kids. Illness. Disease. Death of a child.
A month ago on January 18th marked the end of induction and the end of 4 weeks of steroids. It was what they say was the end of the hardest month of Eliot's treatment. It was also the end of Naomi's first year of life.
I told myself for a year before that day if I could just make it to Naomi's birthday I'd be in the clear. Things would start to get easier.
Today is the 18th again. Things don't feel easier. Parenting feels like an increasingly challenging, soul wrenching, sanity sucking affair. I'm starting to get convinced that it doesn't and isn't going to get easier. That easy was back when Eliot was an infant and there was one child and I had a house cleaner and a yard and friends and space to breathe.
posted by Sara at 7:39 PM
4 Comments:
ug no shit, huh?
What is with the 18th? That's so odd.
Ah, Sara, such is life...we become better at so many things and start to think of them as natural everyday occurances and then WHAMO! another challenge. Look at all you've managed! You have grown and stretched and come to know, in fact, how blessed you are and how talented you are at managing it all...or somedays...NOT! That 18th day thing is a bit of a mystery! For better or worse...
sara, you have friends. we're all around you.
on february 18, 2007 you know how to ask us for help and let us help you.
Something to look forward to...March 18, 1961, was the day that the Pillsbury Doughboy was introduced. Thought you'd like to know!
Post a Comment
<< Home