Crash

I gave Eliot his last steroid (for now at least) about an hour ago. It went down as all of the others have - laced with chocolate syrup - a 'prize' for talking all of his medicine. It was basically uneventful really.

I'm glad. Somewhere inside what feels like a husk of me. I'm really glad. We made it. We made it. We made it. We made it.

I crashed and burned about 3 today. Just got suddenly unable to do it anymore.

Thank you mom for being here and being someone fun for the kids to be with and for feeding them and for playing with Naomi as we speak! I'm remembering to say that now and I don't know if I'll remember to say it later - and I know you keep telling me I don't have to say thank you - I am anyway. Thank you.

I'm fried. I'm totally fucking fried. Remember those 80's anti-drug campaign commercials.

This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs.

This is me (imagine picture of me - poorly managed eye brows, happy face, boring hair do, mediocre posture).

This is me on the last day of induction (imagine picture of me - poorly managed eye brows, looooooong face, boring hair do, watery eyes, blood shot eyes, no energy, horrible posture).

I put Eliot to bed tonight and had this irrational fear. Oh God. Don't let this be the last night I ever get the honor of putting this child to bed. Give me another day for this. Let me keep him for a while longer.

I know I get to keep him for a while longer. I'm just out of my mind. I'm going to lie down and rest now.