For the Record
I don't think I'm a bad or neglectful mom for not having the kids sleep with us. A lot of people have talked to me or emailed me or told me I shouldn't feel so bad about my parenting choices.
I don't feel bad.
My last post was meant to be a little sarcastic.
I'm so super duper tired of parenting style fundamentalists who think there is just one way to raise a kid successfully to adult hood.
Since the moment we started telling people I was pregnant with Eliot nearly 4 years ago I've been drowning in parenting theories.
They all work kind of like this:
If you [fill in the blank] you will hurt your child irreversibly. By doing [fill in the blank with the opposite thing] your child will excel in all things.
The things in the blanks could be anything really. And can be switched.
Some say sleeping with your kids will hurt them. Some say it will cause them to excel.
The same goes for tons of other things: breastfeeding vs. formula, 'wearing' your child vs. not wearing your child (sling vs. Baby Bjorn), home made baby food vs. store bought food, circumcising your boy vs. not circumcising your boy, using a schedule vs. not using a schedule oh lord the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and includes such stupid things as the idea that if you don't sign your kids up for classes you're just not right.
I have found just about zero parenting theories that admit a willingness to consider that any other way of parenting might just possibly still be okay.
And even fewer talk about the importance of choosing what you feel best about so that you can feel confident so that your child can have a confident and happy parent.
So for the record.
Even tho I've been told by magazines, emails, friends, parishioners and who knows who else that I'm a bad and neglectful mom for making this choice, I don't sleep with my kids, I don't think its a sin, I think its good for them because its good for me and God knows good for my marriage and its not bad for them.
I'm sick of parenting theory fundamentalists of all kinds (whether they agree with me or not).
And so my last post was a little sarcastic about the whole thing.
I think I'm a basically good mom.
I don't feel bad.
My last post was meant to be a little sarcastic.
I'm so super duper tired of parenting style fundamentalists who think there is just one way to raise a kid successfully to adult hood.
Since the moment we started telling people I was pregnant with Eliot nearly 4 years ago I've been drowning in parenting theories.
They all work kind of like this:
If you [fill in the blank] you will hurt your child irreversibly. By doing [fill in the blank with the opposite thing] your child will excel in all things.
The things in the blanks could be anything really. And can be switched.
Some say sleeping with your kids will hurt them. Some say it will cause them to excel.
The same goes for tons of other things: breastfeeding vs. formula, 'wearing' your child vs. not wearing your child (sling vs. Baby Bjorn), home made baby food vs. store bought food, circumcising your boy vs. not circumcising your boy, using a schedule vs. not using a schedule oh lord the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and includes such stupid things as the idea that if you don't sign your kids up for classes you're just not right.
I have found just about zero parenting theories that admit a willingness to consider that any other way of parenting might just possibly still be okay.
And even fewer talk about the importance of choosing what you feel best about so that you can feel confident so that your child can have a confident and happy parent.
So for the record.
Even tho I've been told by magazines, emails, friends, parishioners and who knows who else that I'm a bad and neglectful mom for making this choice, I don't sleep with my kids, I don't think its a sin, I think its good for them because its good for me and God knows good for my marriage and its not bad for them.
I'm sick of parenting theory fundamentalists of all kinds (whether they agree with me or not).
And so my last post was a little sarcastic about the whole thing.
I think I'm a basically good mom.
posted by Sara at 3:11 PM
7 Comments:
Sara,
I had all those things going on when I was having my kids. I happened on this quote and it served me just fine. "When I was first married I had six theories of child-rearing...now I have six children and no theories!"
Just enjoy them...the time passes too quickly.
Annie
Sara....as a child whose mother slept with her, it was far more devasting to me, when at the age of 5, my Dad put his foot down and locked me out of their bedroom and banned my mom from sleeping with me in mine. Obviously I got over it, but I was traumatized and I don't think anyone is a bad parent for making this choice or any othe choices that work for you and your family.
that's one big reason i love being a grandparent. the ones worrying about theory compliance are the parents. the grandparents want to play with the kids. its up to the parents to dutifully do whatever it is they decide to dutifully do.
Thank you for coining the phrase "parenting theory fundamentalists." Brilliant.
Interesting to consider... Critical thinking is a parenting skill of vast importance that is generally ignored by those parenting theory fundamentalists (and society at large).
Thanks for taking a stand and for being a parent who uses her brain!
Kick ass! Thanks for this. I am sick to death of people trying to tell me what to do and the amazing consequences it will have.
I'm even sicker of people telling me that my choices with my daughter were different than with my son and therefore I must be wrong about one set of those choices. Nope. If what I'm doing feels right and works for my family and that particular kid, then I'm right.
Kids won't be ruined by most of the stuff we parents do. It's a little egotistical to think we have that much sway over them. Let the kids be happy! And, the parents even happier! :)
I LOVE the term "parenting theory fundamentalists." Perfect. As a new mom, I am constantly trying to block out pt fundies. Love this post.
By the way, My new son, Oscar, and I have kept you all in our own "bless yous" (thanks for the term) at night.
I second what Nancy says even though my kids are of the same sex. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other. I'm not a big believer in the family bed. In fact I think we all sleep much better in our own beds thank you very much. I prefer to sleep without my 3 year old kicking me in the head every night! When Addie has a nightmare I'll go in, cuddle her, lay her back down and go back to my own bed.
Wow, sorry for the rant!!!
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