Seeing Again

A babysitter spent 2 and a half hours here today while I got some work done for my new business. Tomorrow a babysitter will be here again and on Thursday. Because of these awesome college students I now see a light at the end of my tunnel. And I see what an awesome tunnel it is that I'm in.

Late this morning when I would usually be feeling antsy for lunch to be over and naps to start I realized that what I really wanted to do was get on the floor and goof around with the kids - which I did. It was weird. First I had this reflex to feel a little crazy and do some busy work so I'd feel less like a jerk for not playing with them - kind of like when I shaved my head and kept pushing my hair behind my ears - a reflex. Luckily I didn't follow the reflex. We had a lot of fun.

This evening after taking Eliot to get his hair cut (and having him freak out and cry and us leave without even one hair getting cut) we came home and I didn't feel at all frazzled. I nursed Naomi and put her to bed. Then I changed Eliot's clothes and diaper and instead of cleaning his room which is an insane mess after his 'nap' this afternoon during which he realized that he can get out of his bed (wherein he ripped apart an entire ESPN magazine) we sat together on the floor for a while.

I 'should' have been cleaning up since its a new babysitters first day and I just decided not to care. I saw the light that is Eliot Kramer shining through. I realized its been shining through since the moment he was conceived and I've just been blind to it with crazed, burnt out, too much time mommying-ness.

Its good to see again.