Oh To Scream
I know logically that going upstairs right now and screaming my head off at Naomi will not in any way, shape or form cause her to stop screaming like a banshee.
I know this.
Me screaming would probably scare the crap out out of her. So I guess she might stop screaming for a split second.
And then it would start again.
I know my screaming fit would do nothing.
Well except harm the crap out of her and give me more motivation to save for therapy instead of college.
And I'm still fantasizing about going up there and screaming at her. Like screaming so hard my head hurts.
Boy. Parenthood shows me sides of myself I never, ever thought I'd see, ever, ever.
I know this.
Me screaming would probably scare the crap out out of her. So I guess she might stop screaming for a split second.
And then it would start again.
I know my screaming fit would do nothing.
Well except harm the crap out of her and give me more motivation to save for therapy instead of college.
And I'm still fantasizing about going up there and screaming at her. Like screaming so hard my head hurts.
Boy. Parenthood shows me sides of myself I never, ever thought I'd see, ever, ever.
posted by Sara at 7:06 PM
2 Comments:
Annie Lamott has a great essay on Mother Anger in which she points out that when we lose our shit (or feel like we are going to) that our internal anger engines are already revving at 60 mph for lots of reasons preceding whatever it is that we are about to blow up about. What with the cancer and the standard delayed torture and now Aron (and hopefully only Aron) being so sick and thus leaving you to cope all alone and Naomi screaming, of course, because that always happens in times of greatest stress--goodness. The geographical limits of cyber-friendship are preventing me from running over to your house right now to make a pot of tea and healthful supper and throw in a load of laundry and hang with the kids while you get a nap--but I really hope someone does! Can you make an call for help? You are, objectively, under a lot of stress at this point and especially today. You are also really a great mom. But times like these--as in the days after childbirth, these are not normal times--are not meant to be coped with alone. Hang in there, breathe....
Fortunately children are very forgiving...I've been told that visualzation is healthy...how about the sight of your toilet walking down the stairs....will that help. I love Anne Lamott and I've been looking for her book that has grown legs...Talk about you being in a crappy place.. It will get better.
My middle child still is angry at me that she wasn't the only child of a neruosurgeon. They pick special things to be pissed at....
gloria
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