Relationships

I got to pick the kids up from day care today and when I got there a girl named Johnetta told me Eliot isn't always her friend and he is always Isadora's friend. She was clearly mad about the whole deal.

When Eliot came over to hug me and say hi (so rewarding!) she talked to him about it. Again, clearly upset.

"I'm not your friend Eliot!"

I tried to engage him in the conversation.

Which is ridiculous because I'm horrible at refereeing, particularly when I wasn't there and especially when I don't know how they do these things at school.

A teacher came over and she talked with Johnetta and told her to be nice and I told the teacher that it sounded like maybe Eliot wasn't very nice earlier.

That was it.

At dinner thought I decided to ask Eliot about it.

It turns out that Johnetta wants to talk to Eliot all the time, even when he wants to be alone. Today is day 4 of sterroids so I'm not surprised that Eliot wanted to be left alone (and oh how it breaks my heart that we send him to school on day 4 of sterroids and oh how it makes me glad we're not sending him to kindergarten when he is on sterroids....but I digress).

Eliot said Johnetta won't leave him alone until he says he isn't her friend.

So we discussed it.

I told Eliot that I wondered t if next time he might tell Johnetta that he wants to be her friend and wants to have some time alone. That way she would know that he still likes her and be able to leave him alone.

For the first time ever he seemed open to my wondering (read: barely disguised motherly advice).

He said he thought it would work.

He is rarely open to chatting about his day at school so this was an awesome moment.

They he opened up. He said she always wants to talk to him and be around him.

I asked him if there was anyone he always wanted to talk to and be around.

He said no. I said I thought Johnetta probably really likes him and that I know he really likes Sawyer and always wants to be around him and talk to him.

Eliot got a surprised look on his face and then said he didn't want to talk about this anymore.

Then he laid on the floor.

After a few moments of quiet he asked, "Mama, do you have anyone you always like to talk to and be around?"

The conversation went on. I told him there were people I like to be around and work and the kids asked a million questions about them, including what they wear.

It was a big moment.

Talking about how to navigate the world.

Honestly.

Goodness. I hope it was helpful to Eliot.

He did say he might try my idea with Johnetta.

I want so badly for the kids to learn things to help them take care of themselves and be honest.

Those conversations...and seeing me do things like that for myself seem like the ways they learn.

This post is getting boring.

I don't care.

This was a big thing for me. I wish I had the conversation and how it felt on video.

I think I'll engrave it in my heart.

This and so many other moments. One time when Eliot laid his head on my shoulder when he was about 18 months old. And so many others...